Surprise Parties

I've always really liked surprise parties.

The idea of someone planning something for you that you aren't expecting - everyone putting that kind of effort into it and caring enough to execute it - is appealing on its own, for sure. But I also just love being surprised, and I love surprising people.

When I was 13 years old, my parents threw me a surprise party, and it took me genuinely by surprise. It was a joint party with my grandfather, and I'm not sure I've ever seen so many members of my family in one room at once before or since (even at my wedding). My mom was SO SURE that I had caught on, because of some voicemail that I had overheard, but I had absolutely no clue. My dad took me to the bookstore and when I got back all of these people were at our house! The party itself was nice, but the effort meant more I think.

When I was 16, my parents threw me another surprise party. This time, they were absolutely sure that I didn't suspect a thing. And this time, I was almost certain that it was happening. This was again a family party, but a much smaller affair. I think there might have been 6-8 family members there - most likely just my aunt, uncle, two cousins, my parents, and maybe my grandmother. It was held at my favorite restaurant, though, which was always a treat. It was an Italian place that had the most divine marinara sauce with warm, crusty, fresh bread for dipping that I would have been truly content to live off of. (I was sad when, years later, I went back to the location only to find that the place was gone, replaced by a fast food Mexican restaurant.)

When I was 21, my parents did it again. This time they enlisted my friends at college, but unfortunately that ended up feeling very awkward and confusing. For one, the party was held in late April. My birthday is in July. My parents thought it would be nice to have a party before everyone left for the summer, but what they didn't know (and what my roommate who had been enlisted should have mentioned) is that I was already planning a party for the summer that people were planning to travel for. So my parents expected this party to be a "real" birthday party, but no one except them was thinking of it like that or treating it like that. They were confused as to why no one got me any gifts. I felt crushed that maybe this pre-party would diminish the party I was planning a few months down the line, and I felt angry at my roommate that my parents had gone to significant effort (and spent significant money - they treated a good 18 people to dinner that night) with the expectation that it was to celebrate my birthday.

As it turns out, the party that I had on my actual 21st birthday was fantastic. People traveled to be there and brought gifts and we had a blast.

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There's a part of me that feels like surprise parties from my parents didn't count, though. Because part of the appeal of a surprise party is the idea that someone cared enough to take the time to plan it. And I'm lucky enough in my life to be fairly certain of the fact that my parents care about me very much. But having a friend or boyfriend plan a party? That would have been the most amazing thing. (That's not to say that I've never been given surprises of one sort or another, or wonderful, creative gifts. Quite the opposite,and I'm exceedingly grateful for them. But there's still something appealing about a party.)

I've planned a few surprise parties for other people though. My now husband got one last year. My best friend in high school had one for her 16th. I helped when a group of friends in college coordinated one for another friend of mine. And I've always loved giving gifts with some element of surprise to them, or of creativity.

In the end, I've found that as much as I love receiving gifts, I genuinely like giving them more. I know it's a cheesy soundbite of a realization, and I've gotten some amazing gifts and surprises in my life, but there is just nothing like that feeling you get when you know that whatever you thought up and worked on, it was exactly the right thing.